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Looking for a good book or online recommendations that provide a step by step guide to code and zoning requirements for building a house (in CT).

Zoning is region specific and varies from city to city and county to county. A book on that probably doesn't exist (or, if it does, there's a decent chance the info wouldn't be helpful for your area). Best bet is to talk to your local planning department or equivalent.

Residential code is a bit more universal. Assuming you aren't a / aren't going to hire a design professional, a good place to start is probably the ICC's "Code Essential" books. I've heard (but can't personally confirm) that those are pretty handy if you aren't someone who knows code. There's also books like the DeWalt Residential Construction Codes book, but I don't think that's up to date anymore.

A quick breakdown of residential code:
Chapter 1 you can essentially ignore for the time being.
Chapter 2 has definitions. Important for when going through the other chapters.
Chapter 3 has most scoping and general requirements. Start here, look through the sections one by one. If your house will have something listed in this chapter, read that section to see when requirements there are.
Chapter 4 is all about foundations and their requirements.
Chapter 5 is all about floors and their requirements.
Chapter 6 is all about walls and their construction.
Chapter 7 is all about wall coverings. Think plaster, tile, water-resistant barriers, flashing, etc.
etc. etc. The book is long. Here's a link to all the chapters for reference: https://codes.iccsafe.org/content/IRC2021P3/chapter-3-building-planning#IRC2021P3_Pt03_Ch03_SecR302

In my experience, I'd recommend starting at Chapter 3, reference chapter 2 as needed, and work your way through the first 10 chapters either in order or when something else comes up. Or at least skim it so you know where sections are for future reference. For example, if you're working through chapter 3, you'll hit section R307.1. This section deals with bathrooms and immediately references section P2705.1. That section deals with installation requirements for plumbing fixtures. Look at both sections when designing the restrooms fixtures.

Or, just start drawing the house. Whenever you draw anything (a room, a wall, the roof, etc.), check code to see what the requirements are for it. It's a bit more tedious, but this way you'll address things as they come up rather than trying to design a place in order based on code.

Or these options are insane and there's a better method a normal person could use. Idk, I'm sure someone else will pop in to either agree with me or roast my insane opinion haha.

My recommendation: hire an architect or engineer who designs homes. That'll likely be far quicker than going in with no code knowledge. If you're dead set on doing it yourself, subscribe to the ICC's digital codes (make sure you select the right code for you - I believe the 2021 IRC). Makes looking things up a lot easier.
 
Each municipality in Connecticut has its own zoning regulations. (Except I think there is one town that still hasn't adopted any zoning regulations, but that town is nowhere near Windham.) For zoning, there will be no books -- you need to read the actual zoning ordinances.


As to the building code, every municipality in Connecticut is under the 2021 International Residential Code as adopted (with amendments) by Connecticut in 2022. Much of the IRC is prescriptive, meaning that it tells you exactly what you need to do. That's your guide.
 
Trying to get organized with the permits so I can actually start building.
This forum is the best reference for quickly learning the IRC code. "Quickly" being relative - it's quick compared to reading the code book cover to cover. Search CT to find location specific stuff. Most general stuff will apply as well. Get on the Residential section and scroll down through the conversations.

As far as pulling permits and calling inspections and all of that stuff, you need to contact your local building department. City to city and state to state, processes are rarely the same. Find out what they want/like and make them happy.
 
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