Research and testing on beer

[jar546]

Yesterday, Texas A&M University scientists released

the results of a recent analysis that revealed the

presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a

concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory

is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain

phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men

turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men were fed 8 pints of beer

each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that

100% of the test subjects:

1) Gained weight.

2) Talked excessively without making sense.

3) Became overly emotional.

4) Couldn't drive.

5) Failed to think rationally.

6) Argued over nothing.

7) Had to sit down while urinating.

8) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

:cowboy

 

[cda]

Those aggies ahead of everyone in research

The world is better and at peace

 

[Kevin Turner]

Freakin' Awesome

 

[Mule]

Sort-of on the same subject....beer.....:cheers

My son delivers for a beer company. He called me the other day saying he was at the landfill. They were dumping 51 pallets cases of beer. Now folks that's not 51 cases that's 51 pallets!!!! Said a couple of the workers at the landfill got caught throwing cases of beer over the fence. They fired them...... Imagine how many wino's and homeless people they could make happy!

PS JP you can stop crying! :cry: It was Budweiser!

 

[mmmarvel]

Beer Troubleshooting

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.

FAULT: Glass empty.

ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.

FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.

ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.

FAULT: Improper bladder control.

ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.

FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.

ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.

FAULT: The beer is too weak.

ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.

FAULT: You have fallen over backward.

ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.

FAULT: You have fallen forward.

ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.

FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.

FAULT: You are dancing on the table.

ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.

FAULT: Beer is just right.

ACTION: Play air guitar.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.

FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.

ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.

FAULT: You have been in a fight.

ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.

FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.

ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.

FAULT: Bar has closed.

ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.

FAULT: You are being carried out.

ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.

FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.

ACTION: Cover mouth.

 

[rktect 1]

I'm offended, again.

 

[mmmarvel]

I'm offended, again.

Go have a beer, or several, until you don't feel offended.

 

[texasbo]

Sort-of on the same subject....beer.....:cheersMy son delivers for a beer company. He called me the other day saying he was at the landfill. They were dumping 51 pallets cases of beer. Now folks that's not 51 cases that's 51 pallets!!!! Said a couple of the workers at the landfill got caught throwing cases of beer over the fence. They fired them...... Imagine how many wino's and homeless people they could make happy!

Unbelievable. Do you know how many sober kids there are in Africa?

 

[Jobsaver]

Finally! A thread where I know the subject matter.

 

[brudgers]

I'm offended, again.

Are you hopping mad and foaming at the mouth?

Or is it just a mild case?