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any good jokes

L

linnrg

Sawhorse
Joined
Mar 17, 2015
Messages
516
Location
Sterling Alaska
got any good jokes for a BO who is giving a speech to a local Home Builders chapter tonight.

thought I would start out with

"If you expect a riveting speech tonight I have to tell you I never worked with rivets!"
 
Have you heard the one about the Polish carpenter?
He cut a board and it was too short, so he cut a little more off and it was STILL too short!

(For the record, I am a second generation Polish-American, so don't hate me for the joke)
 
I've been thinking about this one but don't have the best retort yet:

An old joke: A guy dies and is standing at the Pearly Gates, a guy with a white coat and black bag comes walking by the line through the Pearly Gates, the guy in line asks St. Peter why the guy in the white coat doesn't have to stand in line? St. Peter replies: "That's God, he loves to run out and play doctor".

Now same story, the guy running back in is holding a clipboard and the guy in line asks why he doesn't have to stand in line like the rest of us? St. Peter responds: "Oh that's our building inspector, the Devil lets him out of Hell all the time to come up here and play God by inspecting our buildings." Can anyone top my revision?
 
thanks, When I originally the first person I though would reply was CONARB.

Up here we have been using an acronym GTS - Google that ****

so I googled inspector jokes and there are a lot of them
 
I use to live paycheck to paycheck. With hard work, perseverance, dedication and innovation. I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
 
Some brain research was going on at a university. They were in need of some cadaver brains for the research. They found a company that would supply the brains that also had the brains classified by what the occupation of the person had been. They asked what the price for engineers brains were, $4 an ounce was the answer. How much for programmers brains, $5 an ounce. What was the cost for building inspector brains, $1000 an ounce. Why so expensive??? Do you know how many brains we had to gather to put together ounce.
 
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